This week, we received the following letter, seeking advice this Summer:
I just ended a 20-year relationship with a frustrating and often selfish, yet amazingly talented man. I don’t want to use his name, so let’s just go with his pet name, the Black Mamba.
Anyway, although we mutually decided to go our separate ways on April 13, with one special final night together, we both knew that day had been coming for a few years. You see, as the Black Mamba started getting older, he just didn’t have that same feistiness and passion that I fell in love with when we first met. And, to be honest, it seemed like the idea of moving on from me made him happy.
I tried to hold onto him, spending extravagantly, yet in the end, I just ended up with a lighter wallet, and he hadn’t even got me any new jewelry in years. He thought I should be satisfied with the rings I already had.
I’ve always depended on a powerful, dominant man in my life. I don’t want to use their real names either, but there was Mr. Johnson, Cap, and the Big Diesel. I never liked to be without someone special, and I guess I arrogantly believed that because I’m a wealthy guy with a big house overlooking the ocean, there’d always be someone younger and more attractive to fill the void.
But since my Dad passed away, things just haven’t been the same.
He was the best wingman, charming everyone to come over, stay awhile, where they could get to know me and see that I’m a good guy and mean well, even when I make mistakes, like flirting with that Italian guy from West Virginia.
Without my Dad, however, it’s on me to do the charming. And, in the interest of full disclosure, my idea of charming is putting on my nicest baseball cap and renting a billboard to beg a guy to stay.
I’ve made a lot of good decisions lately, and finally have the freedom to start over from scratch. So, I was wondering if you had any advice for me on how to land the right guy when I hit the market again this Summer, because there’s this guy named Kevin, whom I’ve had my eye on for years. But even though I offered to meet him in the Hamptons, he won’t even give me the time of day.
Lonely in Los Angeles
Dear Lonely in Los Angeles,
Sorry to hear about the end of your relationship with the Black Mamba. Take time to grieve, because often, when we are most lonely, we jump into something that we know is wrong, just to have a warm body in the room. Ultimately, those types of rebound relationships never work out in the long term, and leave us even worse off than we were before.
I think it’s great that you feel so empowered by your freedom. You may think you aren’t attractive anymore to what sounds like was as powerful a personality as the Black Mamba, but nothing is more attractive than a man who knows his worth and truly believes that he can have anyone he chooses. I know you may not believe that right now, but in the meantime, act as if.
In other words, if Kevin doesn’t want to get together in the Hamptons, then Kevin isn’t the right guy for you or worth a minute more of your time.
I promise, the right guy is out there. Maybe you won’t find someone who satisfies all your needs this Summer, but there’s no reason you have to settle on another lonely season.
Remember you don’t always have to try to hit a home run. Sometimes, you need to string a few singles together before you connect on the big pitch.
So, don’t be fooled by the guys who look good on paper, but really just want to use you for your money. Ultimately, you have to find someone that knows what a special opportunity it is to be with you. If you do, I assure you that your luck will start changing.